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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22858393">Even Now</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/covacola/pseuds/covacola'>covacola</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Final Fantasy XV</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Miscommunication, Or rather lack thereof, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Presumed Unrequited Love, Slow Burn, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Tags May Change</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 08:41:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,019</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22858393</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/covacola/pseuds/covacola</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Even now, after all this time. Noctis still loves them. </p>
<p>Edit: this was supposed to be a one shot and it's not it's more pining</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gladiolus Amicitia/Prompto Argentum/Noctis Lucis Caelum/Ignis Scientia, Noctis Lucis Caelum/Original Male Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>40</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>It's pathetic, really,</span>
  </em>
  <span> he thought. It</span>
  <em>
    <span> should feel normal by now. And yet, sometimes I wake up, grasping for a body that isn't there. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Noctis rolled over in the grand bed. It was far too big. So impractical, it could easily fit four. Maybe more, but he was thinking of one particularly large man in particular. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He sighed. He'd grown to do that more easily, now that he wasn't living in such close quarters to the others. He had his own room again. Something he hadn't had since his home had first been taken from him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It wasn't so now. He'd reclaimed it. Reclaimed his throne, rebuilt Insomnia. It was familiar. It was home once more. And yet it was different. That part didn't bother him, he'd long since accepted that nothing could reclaim the wonderfully bright and nostalgic attachment as the home a child had first grown up in. He'd accepted that even as he'd grown attached to his old apartment. No, that wasn't it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He missed the reassuring weight on the hotel mattresses next to him, the sounds of breathing within the private confines of a tent. He buried his face in the soft sheets, focusing on the remnants of the mixture of colognes still lingering in the air. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was perfectly common for them to be in his quarters. They flitted in and out while he tested, to update or just spend time with him. Even now, it was torture to not simply open the adjoining door and curl up with them in the Shield's quarters. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He pulled a pillow from beside him. He often slept with it close to his chest, substituting another's warmth with his own. He almost wished there hadn't been a time when he'd awoken, pain almost entirely drowned out by the warmth of Gladio's chest as he'd held him when he'd first been revived. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Phoenix downs hadn't saved him that day, but the mercy of the Gods. But not even the Six could have blessed him with such a moment. Gladio had cradled him close, shuddering. Prompto had curled around his torso, holding on as if he could hold Noct's soul to his body. Ignis had leaned close in, head resting hopelessly on Gladio's shoulder, hand resting uselessly on Prompto's. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He'd awoken in their warmth. He'd awoken to their tears. He'd almost kissed Prompto in the surge of emotions. Not a day passed when he didn't regret </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> having kissed him. Maybe if he had, they'd be in this bed, together. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As they should have been. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>It's pathetic</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he thought bitterly, hugging the still cold pillow to his chest. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Even now, after all this time. No matter how much it hurts, no matter how much I pine for them. Even now, I can't even say it. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Even now, I can't admit I love them. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>And now, too much has passed. Now, it may be too late. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He'd officiated their wedding only hours before. He'd done it himself. He closed his eyes, willing that that flicker in their eyes as they'd looked to him had been the same as he'd felt. Remorse that the union wasn't between three, but four. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Even now, even though he'd been happy for them, even now, he could only pathetically want for their love. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I lied. I am writing more.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Despite the offhandedness he'd said it with, he quickly felt his nonchalance dispersing like mist before scorching summer sunlight. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Scorching</span>
  </em>
  <span> just about covered the scrutinizing look Ignis was giving him. It was hard, more or less a glare, save the taken aback questioning in those green eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noctis couldn't look at him. He could already feel the heat rising to his cheeks, the tips of his ears. "Forgive me," he said, waving the request off, "I shouldn't be bothering you with this. I probably shouldn't be fraternizing at all." His voice tapered off and he cleared his throat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ignis seemed to regain his composure. "Not at all, your Highness," Ignis said smoothly, though Noctis had known him long enough to hear the edge in his voice, "I understand that commitment is not something you are looking for at the moment, but it is of course only human to still crave," he stumbled for a moment, </span>
  <em>
    <span>"company."</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>An awkward silence fell, and when he could no long take it, he spun quickly to again reassure Ignis that it'd been a passing request, a whim, nothing he needed to-- </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the briefest moment before Ignis straightened himself, he had, entirely by accident, seen a look of almost sadness on the other man's face. But Ignis, of course, recovered quickly, talking in his usual matter of fact way. "It is my duty to see to your needs, your Highness." Noctis felt his stomach sink as the thought inevitably gripped him for a moment. "I shall sort through potential partners, both good repute and sure discretion," but here he seemed to falter. But only for a second. "Do you have any sort of preferences I should be aware of?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Noctis looked away again, the thought consuming him for just that moment. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You. You and Gladio and Prompto. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>"Male," he said stiffly. He swallowed, not daring to see Iggy's reaction. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Anything else?" Iggy asked in an almost infuriatingly neutral tone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"No," Noct responded simply. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was another silence. Noctis still wouldn't look at his Advisor. And then, "very well, I shall see to it, your Highness." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Thank you," Noct said curtly. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I love hurting them. Why.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>ahaha,,,, pandemic amirite?</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was rather nerve wracking. Trying to find someone suitable for his Noctis-- for the King. He took a deep breath. Even now, after so much time had passed. Even now that Noctis had gone and grown up, grown into a wonderful man, a wonderful King. Even after trial and loss and so much pain, after maturing into a so much more whole person than the lonely child he'd once been. Even now, all Ignis could see when he looked into those weary eyes, those gaunter, tired features, he couldn't help but see that hopeful little boy, so happy to have even one friend. Even now, he couldn't get over that protectiveness, dare he admit, almost possessiveness, for his little Noctis. </p><p>It was a rude awakening, an unforgiving wake up call. Noctis had been nothing short of ecstatic to find the three of them had grown so close during his time apart in the Crystal. He'd shown nothing but wholehearted support for them as they'd danced around figuring out how to augment the legal systems to allow for a union they'd had in all but official document for years now. Of course, Noctis had simply waved them off, legalizing polyamorous marriage without budge. It wasn't that he dismissed the eventual nightmare that would be systematically, but, as he put it, "love will always be beyond bureaucracy."</p><p>It was one of the things they loved about Noctis. He was a good King, but before any of that, he was simply a good man. But of course, he had to admit he may have a bit of bias. </p><p>A lot of bias. </p><p>Six this would be hard. </p><p>But Ignis searched. It was hard, of course. How could he choose someone, anyone else to... Be there for Noct? </p><p>He had detailed a list, had refined it again and again to his standards. In the end, there was never anyone who meat every criteria. Or rather, technically there were. Three, to be exact. But he wouldn't go down that alley. Not now. After all this time... </p><p>He couldn't keep being this biased. If Noct had wanted, he surely would have just said, right? Once upon a time, there were few enough boundaries between the four of them. But now? </p><p>Now it had been as Ignis had always known it would have. That he would have to stand there, silent, allow Noct to slip away, into the arms of someone else. Perhaps it was a blessing in disguise. </p><p>He didn't think he could watch. Noctis looking at someone else. Someone else getting to see so clearly into those eyes. So full of fear and passion and empathy and sadness and hope and-- Ignis gave himself a rare moment. He hated thinking about it. Knowing the helplessness that Noctis fell into. </p><p>And he hated it. </p><p>Loathed another being the one to hold his hand through it all. </p><p>But he had to. For Noct, he would. He would stand there, listening instead of watching. Imagining him...and someone else. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>An unbiased search gave him a reasonably small list of names. But in the end, not even Ignis could do it. Choose which of these men--</p><p>He presented the list to Noct the very next day. And to his... Discontent... Noctis very quickly singled one of the names out.</p><p>Despite his best efforts, Ignis couldn't help the ringing in his ears, the pounding of that name against his skull, as he went on with his day. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Even now, after he'd finally adjusted his mental image he held for most people, it was still sometimes a jarring to see someone he'd once known, aged with the years he'd missed in the Crystal. How Ignis had gotten his name, he didn't want to know. He was just glad he hadn't been there when it'd happened. But it was the one name he'd recognized on the list, and Noct hadn't hesitated. </p><p>He sure did now. </p><p>Taceo Tempus-- or just Tac-- had been a stupid fling. A bad decision made on impulse. They should have never crossed paths, and they definitely shouldn't have ever exchanged numbers, but they'd done both. </p><p>That, and a lot more. </p><p>Iggy and Gladio had, of course, been furious when they'd inevitably caught him trying to slip away to meet him. It had caused one of the biggest fights they'd ever had. But, in the end, Noct had gotten what he'd wanted, and he had suffered through months of his best friends and boyfriend hating each other. </p><p>Not that he and Tac didn't also butt heads. Hell, that had basically been the fun of it. A mutual understanding. That this wasn't serious, they weren't going anywhere with this, that it was all for the drama and well, the sex. They bickered, they argued, they fought and screamed and cried, and then they "happened" to come across each other again a week or so later and they'd make up. Needless to say, the guys hated it. </p><p>But Tac was also, conveniently, the only person in the whole world who seemed to really not give a shit about Noct's position. He didn't want the ear of the Prince, he genuinely didn't want to hold any of it against him. He jokingly only asked he not be executed when he eventually broke Noctis's heart. Things hadn't played out that way. Their whirlwind romance lasted a whole typical three months before ending with mutual ghosting. </p><p>So it was, belatedly, that Noct thought this might be, ya know, awkward. </p><p>And yet, as the door to his chambers opened that night, he couldn't quite deny he felt just a little excitement. Ten years had changed Tac. He'd always been tall, but he made Iggy and Gladio, who flanked him, look a normal height. His muscles were well defined, and he was just bulky enough to not be lanky. His eyes, a pale lilac, met Noct's and a shiver ran down his spine. No one had looked at him with such hunger. (That he'd noticed, anyway.) </p><p>He stammered a dismissal, and the two, thankfully, retreated without comment. Tac raised an eyebrow at the door closing behind him, a smirk already playing across his lips as he turned back. He bowed deeply in a mock approximation of courtly manners, "I am honored, Your Majesty." His precise syllables made Noct's throat inexplicably dry. He sounded just a bit different, his deep, silky voice having a hint more grit to it than he remembered. </p><p>Still, the reply came easy. "Cut the crap, Tac. Same deal?"</p><p>No hesitation, just a wicked grin, "same deal."</p><p>No strings. No awkwardness. An easy shag. A shitty, short term relationship. </p><p>And, Tac knew, a stand in. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Tack had his arms around Noct, the latter's face buried against his broad shoulder. He liked how big Tack felt, the callouses on his hands and even the new web of scars crisscrossing his body. It was familiar. Different, but familiar. It wasn't just time that made things strange. </p><p>Noct could feel the questions swarming the older man's mind, hovering over his tongue. But Tac never asked, never broke the small silences, never disturbed the still waters by rocking the boat. Tac let him ignore his problems. It was why Noct had loved him. And why they could never work. </p><p>He had no idea how Tac was doing, but it wasn't their way to ask. Noct had heard he'd gotten serious-- well, Tac's version of serious-- with some guy after he and Noct had broken things off. Noct was also fairly sure he'd known then guy, if only in passing. Were they still on and off? Was Noctis inadvertently playing into some side drama? Or had that all ended years ago? Fuck, what if something had happened to him. Gods, a decade was a long time, but it was still dawning on him just how long this dayless nightmare must've been. </p><p>"Get it off your chest," a playful push, but soothing too. Noct felt if he let himself he might want to hear that voice cooing in his ear for the rest of his life. Even if it sounded so guiltily like someone else's. </p><p>"Just thinking about what the hell I might've fallen into," it was embarrassing how easy it was with Tac. His voice had been a near purr, and he didn't stop himself from turning over and tracing a line over Tac's chest. </p><p>His fingers leapt from their trail as Tac laughed, "you mean Nato?"</p><p>Noct furrowed his brow, "yeah, we always called him Knot though."</p><p>"A little joke," Tac said smoothly, then added, almost wistfully, "never one to be tied down." </p><p>Noct shifted uncomfortably, unsure how to ask. "So..."</p><p>"Oh we still see each other," he smirked, catching Noct's eye, "but we're not exclusive, if that's what you're worried about." </p><p>"I see," Noct said, slipping and letting some other emotion slip into his tone. </p><p>Tac let them go quiet for awhile. But only awhile. After a few minutes, his long fingers-- pianists fingers Noct knew, a card dealers fingers-- caressed his jaw. "Only me," he whispered. </p><p>Noct felt himself flush. It was a little agreement they'd come to. When Noct was with him, behind closed doors, in privacy, he wasn't royalty, he wasn't a prince or king or any of it. He had no past, no future, only these stolen moments from some other life, some fictitious world where nothing mattered and he could be free. He didn't think of the stresses of Noctis's life. Here he was someone else. </p><p>"Celo," he murmured, a false name he'd taken in those so different of days, in these same stolen moments. Celo. To hide, conceal, keep secret. To be silent. No one had to know what they did in these dark, secret, stolen moments, minutes, hours. </p><p>Noctis, Celo, closed his eyes, giving in once more to this wonderful little white lie. </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So I've actually written briefly abt Tac in other works, Break Up With Your Ex, Your Boyfriends Want You and he even comes up as a side character in Unnamed Heir. Idk exactly why I first came up with his concept, but I've since grown rather attached lmao. Also, pls forgive the rough/bad/lazy latin lmao</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>This was slowly going to kill him. Iggy hadn't outright told them what new assignment had kept him in his office. It wasn't until Prom had come to coax him to leave it that he'd found out. Gladio himself had heard it from a dazed Prompto a few minutes later when he'd come down to their quarters alone. </p><p>Gladio's heart had dropped. His stomach had lurched. Clenched into a thousand little knots. But more than anything, he head had filled with static. Even now, his emotions were only barely kept in check by his sense. Barely. He wished it weren't so. He'd nearly thrown the adjoining door open. He wouldn't just sit back. If Noctis needed someone-- fuck even if it was a one time thing-- </p><p>But no. No. That would be inevitable complicated. But Six, it hurt. Ignis wasn't the only one who wanted him. The three of them had talked about it at length. In fact, they'd been trying to broach the subject. Maybe he, Iggy and Prom couldn't all marry each other, but maybe one of them could...</p><p>But Noct, bold, passionate, big hearted Noct, had waved his hand and stood his ground. "Love will always be beyond bureaucracy." Gods he loved him. </p><p>He'd shuddered. He'd needed to sit down. He took one look at Prom and knew. They'd still been holding each other when Ignis finally came to bed. And then they held him too. They didn't need to say anything. Fuck, it hurt. </p><p>The bastard had been so damn smug, too. It was no secret Tac hated the three of them. The specifics had never been discovered but it was about Noct. Probably jealousy the greasy son of a-- </p><p>Gladio took a deep breath. Beside him, Ignis also seemed to surface from his own thoughts. They shared a quick look, Gladio reaching over to take his hand. It didn't make it. </p><p>A muffled moan came through the door to Noct's room. Gladio felt himself freeze. Ignis went rigid. Hell. </p><p>With haste, Ignis spun and strode out of Noct's quarters. Back to their rooms. Into their bedroom. Gladio followed, heads buzzing. He sat heavily on the bed. Ignis was already there. Prompto in his arms. Iggy was breathing heavily, nails digging into Prom's skin. He didn't wince, but held him tight. Fuck it all hurt. </p><p>It flooded his head. The memory of Tac showing up, Ignis, apparently, having made the call. He had a smirk and a dark glare in his eyes. "Gladiolus," he'd greeted. His tone was just as hateful. Fuck, this guy? Of all the people-- </p><p>But Gladio knew he would have glared just as harshly no matter who it had been, if he was being honest. He did his best to resist the urge to strain his ears. Gods he felt sick. He hated this. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I love writing sad noctis fics<br/>Because it's not like this man has suffered enough lol amirite--<br/>Haha but what if I...wrote more...jk...unless?<br/>Idk I'm trying to focus on some other polyship roadtrip stuff but we'll see</p></blockquote></div></div>
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